Hello and welcome to mental health hotline:
If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality press 3, 4, 5, 6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want, stay on the line we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional press 7 and your call would be transferred to the mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic listen carefully the small voice would tell which number to press.
If you’re depressive it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic press 6969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
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